Category Archives: Uncategorized

MONTANA MEN’S RETREAT MUSINGS

Posted on by

Now that the (magic) dust has settled since returning from co-facilitating a 6 day men’s retreat in Montana, I feel compelled to share some of my main takeaways from the wonderfully rewarding, transformative experience.

Montana Is Wild And Stunning

Of course, I already knew this having visited Montana a few years ago, but it was nice to be reminded just how vast and breathtaking the scenery is, and easy to comprehend why Montana is nicknamed ‘Big Sky Country’. I was again humbled by the locals’ respect for the environment, brimming with wildlife, where nature seems to rule over civilization.

Transcending The Ego Is An Ancient Concept

We spent most of the week in our group coaching sessions focused on the ego. Each and every attendee soon learned that the reason they were there, and the change or answer they were seeking was dependent on the relationship with their ego. And this isn’t just a recent revelation popularized by modern thought leaders such as Eckart Tolle and Wayne Dyer, but in fact, the native American Indians of thousands of years ago would reference the ego using a “medicine wheel”, which describes our levels of perception, using directions on the wheel, similar to a compass.

If we are operating in the South, we are operating in the tangible, material realm, guided by our sense and the practical demands of daily life.

As we move clockwise to the West, our thoughts, beliefs and stories shape our perception of reality.

The North we are unshackled from the mind’s warnings in the West and overriding fight or flight impulses of the South.

In the East, represented by the eagle who flies above all obstacles, we are now devoid of the ego, and can expand our capacity for a bolder vision and deeper connection with our intuition.

Breathwork Works!

Each day at 7am, our host and founder of AVVI Experience - Christine Grimm put the men through a 75 min breathwork and guided meditation practice. I witnessed some incredible breakthroughs, including one of our men having a DMT induced out of body experience, similar to that of an ayahuasca journey.

Digital Detox Is Difficult But Liberating

We don’t realize just how dependent we’ve become on our digital devices until we take our access to them away. I was quietly embarrassed by how many times I found myself unconsciously reaching for my phone to Google something or check emails or Social Media.

This was an essential part of the retreat, to allow the participants quality silent reflection time, letting them process the coaching content, without the constant distraction of mobile phones and laptops. It even prompted some of the men to tap into their creativity through sketching and writing poetry.

Eating Clean Equals Mental Clarity

Another necessity for allowing the processing of information, thoughts and reflections was our completely vegan, alcohol-free nutrition throughout the week. By the last day I was feeling exceptionally energized, with super sharp mental clarity. It certainly helped having World Class chefs preparing the meals to the degree where it was barely noticeable that we weren’t eating meat, sugar or dairy.

Fly Fishing Is A Metaphor For Life

Firstly, shoutout to our hosts and guides from The Complete Fly Fisher for setting us up for the best possible experience and having near perfect weather didn’t hurt either. After practicing our technique on dry land, it was time to hit the glorious Big Hole River, and once in that boat, it’s like time stood still. As we floated purposefully downstream, engulfed by the raw beauty of the surrounding nature, the gentle, yet persuasive flow of the river demanded our skill, synchronicity, patience and unwavering presence for even the slightest chance of luring any of the slippery inhabitants from their watery lairs.

Just as in life, the combination of physical and mental aptitude, perseverance and repetition, going with the flow with no attachment to expectations, and a little bit of luck, resulted in a meaningful, joyful, and overall satisfying outcome. And yes I caught three fish…No we didn’t keep them out of respect for our scaly friends, but mainly as per Montana fishing laws.

Cold Plunging Is Better Together

From Day 1 it became our morning ritual to exercise together from 5:30am, then cold plunge for 3 minutes in the Big Hole River before the sun came up. Despite the dread, the hesitation, the moans and the groans, we got in that 40º F river together, and surrendered to Mother Nature while tapping into our collective energy of brotherhood.

Probably the favorite experience for most if not all came when we cold plunged while it was snowing on our 4th morning. It was extremely satisfying knowing how far we were all venturing outside our comfort zones for the sake of mental and physical wellbeing.

Birds Of Prey Don’t Play

It’s one thing to spot a bird of prey like a Hawk or Falcon majestically circling overhead, but it’s an entirely different, awe-inspiring experience to have one perched on your arm. On day 5 of the retreat, we were visited by falconry experts Paul and Anne of Montana’s Eagle Experience, who treated us to the rare and unforgettable occurrence of handling a Kestrel, Falcon, Eagle and an Eagle Owl. While undoubtedly regal, they also exuded an air of intimidation, supported by constant reminders from Anne to “not stare at the birds for longer than a second or two”.

The absolute highlight of the experience, and possibly the whole trip, was when we stood in a large circle with pieces of food on our heavily gloved hands, before taking turns having Malen the Falcon, when prompted, to fly to us and perch on our arms while eating its ‘treats’. As much as I wanted to stare deeply into Malen’s eyes in these moments to forge an unlikely kinship, thankfully I refrained, keeping everything on my face intact for my return to civilization.

Vulnerability Accelerates Trust

When a safe space is created and open sharing is encouraged, the results are extraordinary. While some of the men did happen to know each other (two of them were also brothers), the rapid progression of how open everybody became, and the deep connections that were forged was nothing short of remarkable.

Watching one man’s vulnerability give permission for the next to share openly from the heart was a gift, and a huge reason why I love this work, and remain committed to helping men crack themselves open to live their purpose, free of suffering, enhancing the lives of those around them in the process.

 

 

 

WHY YOU NEED TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR EGO

Posted on by

It was a pleasant, though not particularly warm summer day in the UK, when I decided it wasn’t working out with my ego. Sitting in the shade of an elm tree in my neighborhood park, I was submerged in my first ever personal development book, kindly loaned to me by a rugby teammate during my moment of distress, having just retired, forcibly, and somewhat prematurely, due to a serious spinal injury.

The sudden loss of identity, career uncertainty, and fear of the lack of financial security, caused an anxiety that compelled my compadre to insist that I immediately read his copy of The Power Of Now, mostly to help me learn how to practice living more in the present moment. But as I devoured each page with the enthusiasm of a child thumbing through their favorite comic book, what emerged as particularly captivating, was the way the ego was defined, and its destructive nature, explained wonderfully by the author Eckhart Tolle.

Until that moment, I had only really thought of the ego in the context of “arrogance” or “cockiness”, almost always using it in sentences with the adjective “big” to describe it. Having the ego presented to me as a construct that my mind has created, to help make sense of the physical world around me, blew my mind.

Prior to this revelation, I believed that I had a relatively small ego, because I rarely bragged about my accomplishments, or dropped names of important people to seem more important myself. I was enthralled by the notion that ego was also responsible for my fear of rejection. Or my perfectionism. Or my people pleasing tendencies, my desire to control situations, and my reluctance to take risks. By this definition, I actually had an extremely big ego! The more I learned about my ego, the more I realized I was a prisoner to it. Equipped with this newfound self-awareness, I was now determined to pave the way to freedom from the mental and emotional suffering caused by my ego.

The Breakup

The first step to breaking up with my ego was understanding that we were actually two separate entities, followed by admitting that our relationship was toxic. Eckhart Tolle explains that when our thoughts and behaviors are counterintuitive to our desired outcome, it is in fact our ego sabotaging us, and therefore, we must become the observer of those damaging thoughts, so that we can respond or act authentically, in alignment with our ideal life.

Similarly, in his book The Untethered Soul, author Michael Singer refers to this version of the ego as our “inner roommate”, who likes to chatter incessantly, in constant judgment of ourselves and the world around us. Becoming the ‘witness’ to this chatter by simply pausing, sitting back and listening, helps us respond or act from our true heart’s desire.

Another absorbing book that depicts this dichotomy of ego vs self, is The Second Mountain by David Brooks, where he refers to the first mountain in our life that we metaphorically climb, as an ego driven endeavor of self-interest, whereby we mostly pursue social status, material wealth, and superficial, hedonistic pleasures. Then there is often a descent from this mountain into ‘the valley’, symbolized by a life event that Brooks describes as our “annunciation moment”, that turns us toward climbing a second mountain, this time no longer fueled by self-importance, but rather to abandon the ego and serve others, in search of meaning, purpose and fulfillment.

For example, as mentioned earlier, my annunciation moment was a life threatening, career ending injury that forced me into ‘the valley’ represented by an identity crisis, before shifting to a passionate pursuit of self-awareness.

Just like any toxic relationship, mine with my ego was preventing me from being the man I desired to be, and the life I truly wanted to live. Even in toxic relationships, there is comfort in the familiarity, underpinned by fear of the resulting uncertainty by leaving. So the next step, while not easy, is to prioritize the pain of staying in the relationship, over the pain of leaving it, by removing ourselves from it. This will liberate us from the suffering it continues to cause.

Checking in with our values by writing a “to be” list is an effective way to prevent us from falling back into relationship with our ego. This is simply listing the characteristics of the person we want to consistently show up as in life, such as “kind”, “courageous”, or “present”.

Similar to that pesky ex who always seems to find a way back into our lives, the ego will also emerge from time to time, sucking us back into those familiar pre-breakup patterns. It can even infiltrate our “to be” list, having us choose characteristics that they want us to be, such as “a millionaire”, “admired by others”, or even “have power over others”.

Noticing when we are allowing the ego to cause us to think and act out of alignment with our values, then standing our ground is key. Philosopher and best-selling author Wayne Dyer’s definition of ego can also be useful in these instances.

He describes the ego as a fictional mental construct, that operates under the following 6 beliefs:

1) “I am what I have”

2) “I am what I do”

3) “I am what others think of me”

4) “I am separate from others”

5) “I am separate to what’s missing in my life”

6) “I am separate from God”

On a moment-to-moment basis, most humans are thinking and acting according to one, or a combination of the above beliefs. This can be demonstrated perfectly by our use of social media platforms. For example, we tend to compare ourselves to others, believing they have a better career than us, which is derived from numbers 4) and 2) above. Posting a picture of our new expensive watch or car, in the hopes of receiving likes and flattering comments from others, shows intention based on numbers 1) and 3). Both examples reflect the sneaky work of our ego wanting to survive, thereby keeping the relationship with us alive.

Article content

Do you find yourself often focused on what’s missing in your life, without realizing you actually have everything you need to survive and be happy? That’s your ego operating under belief number 5).

Preventing ourselves from believing number 6) becomes a little more advanced, requiring us to operate on a more spiritual level, by acknowledging that humans are all part of the same energy and particles that make up the world around us, while the higher power that created us, exists within us, rather than outside of us.

Once we have reached a level of self-awareness that allows us to see how our thoughts and actions are often dictated by ego, we mustn’t be hard on ourselves for doing so. Nor is it realistic to think we can reverse years of programming to completely rid ourselves of the ego. Rather, it is important to achieve balance, understanding the dangers of too much egocentric behaviors. We can easily become attached to the identities that the ego creates. What if our house burns down? Or if our expensive possessions break or get stolen? What if the status we derive from our career disappears when we retire, or get fired? Or if our Instagram account gets hacked, and we need to start a new one from zero followers? If we define ourselves by any of these metrics, that are ultimately out of our control, we run the risk of suffering the potentially devastating mental and emotional consequences of losing such things.

For me, the life experience I want requires balance. This means allowing myself the pleasure obtained from ego-based living without judgment, while also building self worth without relying on outside validation. Also, by serving others, I will avoid the pitfalls that come with only indulging in serving myself. And life just feels so much sweeter when I put as much energy into checking off my to “to be list” as my “to do list”.

So what’s next? Allow me to summarize while providing you with a step by step guide to freeing yourself from the control of your ego, in order to start living the life that was meant for you.

Catch It

Notice when your thoughts and actions are ego driven. It will normally show up when you have negative feelings such as frustration, jealousy, embarrassment, anxiousness etc. Check in with your intentions for the choice you made or are about to make. Did you post on Social Media because you want others to praise you? Are you continuing the unnecessary argument with your partner because you just need to be right? Are you going to stay silent in the meeting because you are worried that others will think your brilliant idea is stupid? Ego, ego, ego!

Observe It

Separate yourself from your ego by acknowledging it is not the real you thinking or acting this way. Ask yourself why your ego hijacked you. What is it wanting to gain from the outcome? It could even help to name your ego for extra separation, as if it is a different person. I suggest giving it a fun nickname to keep the situation light, while helping you practice compassion for your ego, as you would want to for any human that feels threatened and scared. I call my ego “Angus”, after the first bully I had in elementary school. While bullies often cause us pain and suffering, it is usually because they are in pain themselves, and desperate to be loved and feel in control. It helps even more to have compassion for my bully ego, while also diminishing his power by calling him “Gussy”.

Break up with It

Even though it may sometimes feel like it, your ego doesn’t serve you, and it’s time to figuratively end the toxic relationship, get your power back, and start making choices that align with the person you desire to be, and the life you desire to experience.

Forgive It

Your ego was never trying to intentionally hurt you. It was simply trying to find its place in the World and stay alive by feeling special and important. And don’t be mad at it for wanting to keep coming back into your life, craving the same relationship as before. Afterall, you were together for so many years, and at times both of you even felt like the same person. You’ve learned so many lessons from your relationship with your ego, and now it is time to use those lessons to make the most of your newfound freedom, with the limited, precious time you have left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE PRESSURES OF BEING A MAN…and why we don’t handle it well

Posted on by

There’s no escaping it…being under pressure is inevitable for men, whether it’s career pressure, financial pressure, social status pressure, fatherhood pressure, or the mental and physical health pressures that come with aging. Men must deal with some amount of pressure, almost daily, regardless of the life choices we make. 

According to recent surveys, around 8 in 10 men between the ages of 25-45 reported experiencing high stress levels in the past year. From midlife and into senior years, responsibilities increase, particularly professionally, and even more for high performing men.

And it’s not a question of handling the pressure or not…most men are handling it. We’re even building resilience through stressful experiences. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…right? Depends how we’re handling the pressures. Because the way most men are handling, or rather mishandling pressure, is prematurely killing them. Even worse is the kind of death experienced while still alive. Just as Benjamin Franklin once said - “Most men die at 25, we just bury them at 75”.

And what does mishandling pressure look like anyway? The first sign is failing to embrace the pressure as a normal, and even necessary part of life. Adopting the mindset of always seeing the opportunities in the obstacles is a good start, honoring the famous words of Billie Jean King - “Pressure is a privilege.”

Then we might see any number of avoidant or numbing type behaviors such as abusing alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, food…anything to avoid the discomfort of dealing with pressures head on, in a healthy, empowering way. This avoidant behavior normally happens because we lack the self-awareness, or emotional tools to embrace and handle pressure powerfully. 

Failing to consistently maintain high levels of emotional, physical and mental health will also ensure that we mishandle pressure, and it is costing us dearly. 

The costs for men of mishandling pressure include:

  • Shorter lives, due to poor physical and mental health.
  • Strained and failed romantic relationships.
  • Ineffective parenting.
  • Lack of purpose and meaning.
  • Loneliness.
  • Low libido & virility.
  • Shame, low self-esteem and worthiness.
  • Depression and anxiety.

When I retired from my 12 year professional rugby career, I was experiencing at least 6 of the above symptoms. 

Immediately I felt no control over my life. I found myself drinking heavily, alone in my house, reluctant to step outside where there were constant reminders of the career I no longer had. I even sabotaged my romantic relationship, which ended somewhat promptly after 2 and a half years together. 

At first I couldn’t understand that these were avoidant coping mechanisms. I didn’t have the self-awareness to see how my ego was attached to the identity that my former career gave me, and the ego-feeding perks that came with it. I also couldn’t recognize that my ego was creating a lot of the pressure I was feeling, and the expectations of others that I thought I needed to live up to were imagined.

To reverse my downward emotional (and physical) spiral, the first step was coming out of isolation to speak to people I trusted about my struggles. Specifically, other men, starting with a professional therapist. I also opened up to one of my teammates, which wasn’t common practice for rugby players. He listened without the judgment I normally feared, before recommending a personal development book that changed the course of my  life. From there, I embarked on an extensive self growth journey that ranged from more books, to attending transformational workshops, leadership courses and retreats. 

Through this process, I found my purpose and passion, and the ability to not only embrace life’s inevitable pressures, but handle them in a healthy way. Of all the modes of learning and practices that have made me the self-aware, mentally, emotionally and physically thriving man that I am today, group activities that build deeper, connected relationships with other men, have been the most powerful and liberating. 

While I have benefited from the bonding and camaraderie that a life of playing team sports inevitably provides, I have since learned that most of it was cultivated at the surface level, especially as the stigma that comes with playing a male dominated, contact sport prevented us from routinely sharing our struggles with each other vulnerably.

Doing personal growth men’s work, facilitated by a qualified, experienced coach or teacher, has been a game changer for forming the essential, deeper connections with other men that I have today. 

We need support from other men who understand the same pressures we encounter, and place on ourselves. It helps us feel like we’re not alone. We need other men to hold us accountable, so we can build the necessary tools and resilience to handle these pressures in ways that won’t destroy our mental, emotional and physical health. 

This requires intense self-awareness, a strong sense of purpose,  intentional self-care, a support system of deeply connected relationships, and strategies to manage stress effectively. 

Motivated to make a change but don’t even know where to start? The answer is simple, and the best investment a man can make when taking control of his own life…a men’s retreat. 

Now I totally understand if you’re resistant to the thought of voluntarily spending your hard earned money, on time spent away from family and friends, with a group of strangers in a remote location, especially one that doesn’t involve a swim up pool bar. 

But remember that the cost can be exponentially more expensive if you don’t invest in yourself.

Try thinking of a men’s retreat as a one-stop shop, kickstarter to a more confident, competent, and content version of yourself. A version of yourself that inspires, and enhances the lives of others around you. The version of yourself that sleeps with ease,  peacefully and fulfilled at the end of each day.

Intrigued and want to know where to find the best retreat for you? Here is a checklist of ten must-haves for the most impactful experience:

  • Qualified, experienced coaches/facilitators
  • Comfortable & inspiring location in nature
  • Physical activities & exercise
  • Personal development & reflection
  • Brotherhood & bonding
  • Spiritual or mindfulness practices
  • Healthy, clean nutrition
  • Unplugged time free of digital devices
  • Fun & adventure
  • Takeaways & next steps

As mentioned before, my experience of reversing a downward emotional and physical spiral into an upward spiral toward passion and purpose, has also led me to inspiring other men to do the same with their lives. Which is why I am honored and thrilled to do just that by partnering with Avvi Experiences, to deliver an experience for men that checks all of the above boxes and more.

When? May 1 - 6, 2025. 

Where? Montana. 

What? Group personal growth workshops, one on one coaching, fly fishing, falconry, hiking, breathwork, digital detoxing, exquisite food, exemplary accommodation and more…

Who? Men who are ready to open up to level up.

How much? Click here for your early bird discounted price before it ends on February 21. 

*Vitally Important* 

The number of places are limited to 10 to create the most valuable experience for each participant. At the time of posting this, there are only 3 spots left, and remeber, early bird pricing ends on February 21st!

Click the link below for details and to secure your spot!

https://www.avvi.me/montana

6 WAYS MY SPORTS INJURIES PREPARED ME FOR THE CORONAVIRUS

Posted on by

Part of my work as a leadership coach is to help athletes with their mental and emotional transition from their sporting career, into the next phase. It is quite common for athletes to not feel they have anything to offer the World professionally other than their profile and their sporting talent. Therefore I help them see the character traits and leadership skills that their sports career helped them develop, which are huge assets when creating the next career steps. A large part of any athlete’s career is dealing with injury, which is so often associated with disappointment and pain, both physical and emotional. However, there is no better situation or period of adversity than an unprecedented Global Coronavirus Pandemic, to highlight the advantages of having experienced the physical and emotional rollercoaster of injury management.

Here are 6 examples of what I gained being injured so often during my 12 year professional rugby career:

1. I Was Taught How To "Control The Controllables"

Being injured meant sometimes not being able to perform my usual tasks, both on and off the field. It was easy to let my mind focus on what I couldn’t do, and things that were out of my control like whether the team wins or loses without me, or how well my replacement performs in my absence. Worse yet, will he take my spot permanently? What I was able to control, was rehabilitating my injury to return to the field even stronger and fitter than before, and making sure that I always remained positive. The mind-body connection is powerful, and I reminded myself that if my mindset was negative and full of worry about things I couldn’t control, it would slow down my body’s ability to heal. This translates well to my current situation and prevents me from developing anxiety about things out of my control like Coronavirus conspiracy theories, the disruption in my plans both personally and professionally, and wondering when the lockdown and other restrictions will be lifted.

2. I Developed Better Discipline

As my body was required to perform my job, being sidelined often posed the threat of losing income or even worse, not having my contract renewed or terminated. Therefore it was important to get back onto the field as quickly as possible. In order for this to happen, I needed to be diligent and disciplined in my behaviors and habits, and that I wasn’t just doing the right things to maximize my recovery, but I was also abstaining from doing the wrong things that could sabotage my recovery. Being disciplined during this Pandemic is important when maintaining the routines and practices necessary to optimize our mental, physical, and emotional wellness while navigating change. It is not only our mindset that serves as an important defense system, but our immune system too!

3. I Gained Self-Awareness Through Curiosity

I spent a lot of time in the physical therapist’s practice rehabilitating my injuries. Over time I began to see the benefits of asking questions and learning from the medical staff all about the human body. Learning about myself and how to prevent and heal injuries rather than just leaving it in the hands of others, gives me greater power and sense of control, and also a greater appreciation of the miracle that is the human body, meaning I take it for granted way less. The same can be said for mental and emotional wellness, and I started applying the same curiosity and thirst for knowledge about the brain and emotional intelligence. This knowledge, understanding and connection to my physical and emotional wellness is great arsenal for facing the many challenges posed by a viral pandemic.

4. I Learned How To Push Through The Pain

Not all injuries kept me on the sideline. In fact, toward the end of my career I barely remember playing a match without some kind of niggling injury that caused great discomfort, but didn’t reduce my functionality enough to prevent me from performing. Basically this means I learned how to make personal sacrifices to ensure the team’s objectives were met. During this current Corona climate, the physical pain has been replaced with emotional pain such as uncertainty, anxiety, fear, loss and others that many of us are experiencing. Managing injuries enabled me to develop an awareness of myself and my limits, and experience the benefits of persevering, and pushing those limits for the greater good. This is proving to be a valuable skill set, especially when others need my services more than ever right now!

5. I Discovered The Importance Of Pre-habilitation

The term rehabilitation is obviously synonymous with recovering and rebuilding, but just as important and often neglected is pre-habilitation, which involves engaging in practices such as isolated and highly specific exercises to help prevent injuries, or at least minimize their severity.

Where else can this concept be applied to other areas of our lives? Well, appropriate financial planning and budgeting for times of crisis like these is an obvious example.

Nurturing relationships and building strong support networks is another way to prevent the impacts of adversity.

Constantly working on one’s self-awareness, developing a positive life philosophy and healthy relationship with our ego are other recommendations for what I refer to in this instance as ‘Crisis Pre-habilitation’.

6. I Am Better Able To Navigate Sudden Change

Of the countless injuries and 8 major surgeries I endured over 20 years of elite level sport, one of them essentially ended my career and suddenly brought about a massive change. When I broke my neck I had to immediately face the possibility of never walking again, to then the possibility of never regaining full function of my arm again, to then the reality of never playing rugby again. It has been quite a transition journey and with many valuable lessons that I am able to apply today. For example, I developed a model of dealing with transition that involves 3 main steps:

- Acceptance of the new situation.

- Assessment of my mental, emotional and physical status (self awareness), and the opportunities that were available to me.

- Action steps required to move forward, and how to achieve them.

This can be a road map not only for the current Global disruption, but for any challenging situations we may face that produce unwanted thoughts and feelings.

You can read more about these steps and how best to execute them in my free eBook called The Sur-thrival Guide.

Thrive During Crisis – 5 Leadership Lessons From Southwest Airlines

Posted on by

And by Southwest Airlines, I am mainly referring to its charismatic former CEO, the late, great Herb Kelleher.

Herb is renowned for being one of the most successful modern business leaders, leaving a remarkable legacy, and countless anecdotes of his highly effective, culture based leadership style, during his reign of almost five decades.

What is most notable about Herb, is how he treated his employees. The extraordinary measures he took to build trust and loyalty with his workers, created a culture that helped Southwest airlines become the only airline in history to always turn a profit, without needing to lay off or furlough a single member of staff during economic adversity.

In fact, Herb often cited developing a strong culture as the most important contributor to success, particularly during the hard times. When the airline industry faced a crisis immediately post 9/11, Herb was asked how Southwest airlines managed to not just stay afloat, but keep every staff member without reducing their flying schedule. He responded “we had actually been preparing for 3 decades”. What he was referring to was the trust and loyalty established with his staff throughout the years, which at that time the company relied upon more than ever, calling everybody forward to make sacrifices and pitch in a little more, in order to get through the unprecedented economic turbulence ahead.

The current COVID-induced economic climate bares resemblance to that which followed 9/11, with the airline industry obviously suffering again. However there are vastly more businesses across numerous industries also feeling the devastation, with the possibility of catastrophe looming.

One would assume that Southwest will yet again be at the frontline of the resistance, providing they emulate the ways of Herb Kelleher , and here are some ways that you can tap into the philosophies and practices that helped Southwest thrive, even through adversity...

1.TRANSPARENCY OF COMMUNICATION

Herb Kelleher was known for his straight shooting communication, and for being a man of his word. One of the best ways to build trust with employees is by telling it like it is. Sugarcoating information about the situation, usually in an effort to avoid diminishing morale, can lead to a false sense of security and therefore reduced chances of the grit and sacrifice needed to pull through the tough times. Keep your staff informed on updates and decisions openly and consistently.

Be careful not to make promises you may not be able to keep. The best way to lose trust and create panic is to guarantee no lay offs for example, only to end up having to make staff cuts in a bid to save the company.

2. DEMONSTRATE SERVANT LEADERSHIP

One of Herb Kelleher’s most admired characteristics was his humility. He would often lay his ego aside and get into the trenches to work alongside his employees. He also wouldn’t ask his employees to make sacrifices that he wasn’t willing to make himself. His egalitarian approach was demonstrated by the fact that he always chose an office without windows. Another example is when the company made an agreement with the pilot’s union to impose a 5 year wage freeze in exchange for a 10 year stock option. After the negotiation, Herb told his pilot’s “what’s good for you is good for me as well”, and froze his wages too.

A great resource I recommend that emphasizes this concept is a book called Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek.

This servant leadership approach must be extended to your customers also, and putting your customers' needs before the company’s can pay dividends in the long run. After 9/11 most airlines refused to refund tickets for passengers who were afraid to fly. Southwest never hesitated to give money back, despite the risk. Sometimes passengers reciprocated the love: in the months following 9/11, some of Southwest’s loyal customers sent checks to the airline to help it get through the hard times.

 

3. BE TOUGH, NOT MEAN

Anybody who worked with Herb would agree that he can be tough. How else could you maintain Southwest’s famous policy of turning around a plane from pulling into the gate to taking off in 10 minutes, without displaying a decent level of accountability, and constructive feedback for substandard performance? But Herb felt there was a difference between being tough, and being mean. It is important to find the sweet spot of holding each other accountable, without dehumanizing, shaming or belittling, which will inevitably lead to a fear-based culture that sucks the life and motivation out of your people.

At Winning EQ, we recommend you consider offering some "Giving & Receiving Feedback" training to your staff at all levels.

4. LOOK BEYOND CLASS AND TITLES

While this is recommended as common practice, it is crucial during adversity when the entire company is required to give an extra 5% - 10% and work as a team.

Herb didn’t see a distinction in class, ethnicity or title when dealing with his employees and customers.

Years ago, one of his executive officers said, “Herb, it’s harder for me to get in to see you than it is for a mechanic, a pilot, a flight attendant, or a reservations agent.” Half-jokingly, Herb said, “I can explain that to you very easily, they’re more important than you are!”

Nothing says “we’re in this together” more than empowering employees beyond Senior Management to contribute to strategic planning, such as reporting observations of client behavior and the market landscape, creating extra eyes and ears to facilitate innovation and rapidly seizing opportunities.

5. DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY

I realize during these uncertain times of hardship that it may appear easier said than done, or even inappropriate to suggest that having a laugh and bringing the joy to the situation, is one of the best ways to ease tension and raising morale, thereby raising motivation and productivity.

Kelleher believed that you didn’t have to be boring to be successful, and enrolled everyone in his belief. In 1999 Herb underwent radiation treatment for prostate cancer. On a conference call with Wall Street's financial community, one of the analysts asked Herb if the radiation treatments impaired his ability to run the company in any way. Herb responded, "No, but I am very concerned about my uneven tan line!"

Below is an example of how much fun Herb had as CEO, and insisted on his employees having fun with him...

We are amidst unprecedented global disruption, with imminent economic hardship of uncertain proportions. The best chance for the majority of impacted businesses to survive, outside a sound innovative strategy based on agility and quick decision making, is to lean on the company culture and the trusty employees within it. If you take a page out of Herb Kelleher’s book, you may even just thrive your way onto the other side, and have some fun in the process.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Luv and War at 30,000 Feet

20 Reasons Why Herb Kelleher Was One Of The Most Beloved Leaders Of Our Time

LA Workplace Summit Receives Rave Reviews

Posted on by

On Thursday, January 23rd, 2020 the inaugural LA Workplace Summit was held at the Riveter in Marina Del Rey.

It was a gathering of business executives, managers, entrepreneurs, solopreneurs, Millennials, Baby Boomers...all with the common desire to connect, share ideas and activate inspiration around some key organizational leadership topics.

The event space created an instantaneous buzz and excited anticipation upon entering for both the guests and speakers, joining the collective buzz of industrious Riveter members sprinkled throughout the modern, yet welcoming co-working surrounds of wood, steel, concrete and modular furniture.

Once nourished with breakfast snacks and coffee, the attendees were greeted by Riveter Events Director Madelyn Shaughnessy, who also provided a brief explanation of the Riveter’s history, and mission to inspire female collaboration and empowerment, simultaneously building an all-inclusive community.

Launching the first topic Activating the Visionary was Shelly Carlin, the Executive Vice President of HR Policy and its Center On Executive Compensation. Her focus on organizational growth through purposeful visioning had the room enthralled, especially with her anecdotal examples from her time as the Senior Vice President of Human Resources at Motorola Solutions.

Following Shelly was the charismatic self-mastery expert Mary Jo Lorei who took the room on an experiential journey and exploration of personal vision, and its relation to the collective vision of teams and companies. The intimacy and connection created during Mary Jo’s 45 minute workshop was the perfect way to warm up the crowd, and have them get to know themselves and each other a little better.

Just before the first break, Co-host Mark Francis introduced Jorge Garcia, the Head of Partner Development for Everytable, who also provided guests with a delicious array of nutritious salads for lunch. Jorge explained the powerful vision of Everytable to “make good food accessible to everyone, no exceptions.”

After the lunch break, the second segment commenced which focused on the topic of Millennial Motivation. Shawn Lipman, the CEO of thriving E-commerce company Feedonomics blew minds with his personal account of leading organizations with a culture focus. He also described both the differences and similarities between the Millennials and other Generations with regards to motivation and employee engagement, while describing the creativity and capabilities of Millennials as “lightning in a bottle” that requires the appropriate leadership skills to harness.

Following Shawn was former College and NFL quarterback coach Evan Burk, who now coaches business executives, including the emerging Esports space, where there is certainly an abundance of Millennial generation influence. Evan used his exceptional story telling ability to engage and educate the audience how to lead Millennials.

Closing out the day with the third and final segment Inspiring Emotional Intelligence (EQ) were co-hosts Marc Stcherbina of Winning EQ and Mark Francis of Uspire. Stcherbina concentrated on one of the most important aspects of EQ – Empathy. Attendees once again had the opportunity to connect with a partner, and practice building empathy through active listening skills.

Mark Francis continued the theme of creating a dynamic experience, with his workshop on identifying the leading behavioral styles of oneself and others. There were plenty of a-ha moments accompanied by laughter, which was the perfect way to lead the audience into the fundraising raffle, followed by happy hour.

Attendees dug into their pockets and collectively raised $660 to be donated to the Foundation for Rural and Regional Renewal, a fabulous organization leading the efforts in rebuilding the devastation caused by the tragic bushfires in Australia.

A special mention to Angel Bags, Soulcycle, Modo Yoga, F45 Manhattan Beach, Color Wine, Gloveworx, Surf Air and LA Galaxy for donating some incredible prizes.

The fun continued with a Happy Hour mingle at the end of the day, fueled by our good friends at Sufferfest Beer, Color Wine and GT's Kombucha. Attendees were able to connect further with other attendees, and also ask the guest speakers some burning questions on the themes discussed throughout the Summit.

If you are interested in gaining access to video footage of the sessions throughout the day, just leave your name and email below for information about accessibility to the LA Workplace Summit video library.

How to Activate A Clear 2020 Company Vision

Posted on by

Leaders are limited by their vision rather than by their abilities.” - Roy T. Bennett

The word “vision” has been a feature of corporate culture jargon for years as a key ingredient in achieving positive growth and extraordinary results.

So why is the concept of creating a vision and the cultural values that drive its pursuance, still often misunderstood and/or unsuccessfully executed, particularly in startups?

Workplace culture support company Rungway, surveyed 2,000 UK employees on their attitude to work. The research showed that more than half (52%) of employees in the UK can’t recite their organization’s vision, and nearly half (49%) can’t recite their organization’s values.

The inability of employees to recite or align to their organization’s vision and values can lead to a lack of engagement, motivation and therefore productivity.

A clear, compelling organizational vision is the foundation for a strong workplace culture. It the “why” of the company, and countless studies have shown that a person’s why, or sense of purpose, is the strongest and most sustainable driver of human motivation, especially when the going gets tough.

Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl studied human motivational factors while held prisoner in the Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz, during the Holocaust of World War II. In his 1946 book Man’s Search For Meaning his findings showed that regardless of age or physical stature, the men with a greater sense of purpose in their lives showed the most resilience, and hence lived the longest or even survived.

The Essential Practice Of Vision Setting

Aligning a company’s vision and values with those of the individual employees will enhance motivation, leading to greater overall performance and employee retention.

But how can an organization effectively design a clear, compelling vision statement that will inspire and motivate each employee to make sacrifices, work hard, work efficiently, and enjoying doing so?

At Winning EQ, here are four steps we recommend:

1. Differentiate

Firstly, understand the difference between “vision” and “mission”. If vision is the “why”, then mission is the “what”. The vision gives a company or individual a grand idea of what is possible, describing where they want themselves, the community, or the world, to be as a result of the company's efforts.

A mission states what work is already being done, what goals are already being met, the problems that are being solved and the product or service that solves them.

2. Collaborate

It is important that each employee is involved in the vision setting process. This leads to a greater sense of empowerment, and they are more likely to feel connected to that vision, taking ownership of whatever is necessary to achieve it. The values can be viewed as the “who” a company or individual is, or in other words, the character needed to materialize a vision.

When considering a powerful, compelling vision, ask questions like:

·     Where are we going?

·     What is important to us?

·     What positive change will we effect on the world?

·     What outcome is worth sacrificing for?

For an historic example of a compelling vision, one need only turn to Martin Luther King Jnr’s famous quote:

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”

Another somewhat extreme, yet undeniably impactful example of a clear, compelling vision is when Winston Churchill addressed his nation, laying plans to protect Great Britain’s freedom, and abolish Adolf Hitler’s reign of human destruction:

“Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival”.

3. Consolidate

Now it’s time to narrow down everyone’s input and achieve alignment on a simple, impactful vision that accurately encompasses what is important for the company and its individuals.

This process will require effective communication and decision making, facilitated by the company’s more recognized leaders, and/or a third party consultant.

An example of a clear, concise and compelling company vision is that of Teach For America:

“One day, all children in this nation will have the opportunity to attain an excellent education”.

4. Replicate

Once a clear, compelling vision has been established, it is vital that the vision is seen and heard as much as possible. Constant efforts to establish a connection with the vision should be made, especially as a company grows. It can be challenging to have new employees connect to the company vision and values the same way as the early adopters, so be creative, intentional and consistent when doing so.

During the onboarding process of new employees at the rapidly expanding e-commerce company Feedonomics, the CEO Shawn Lipman conducts a 60 minute workshop on the company vision and values, and regular company wide “company values expression sessions” facilitated by the employees themselves.

Set the tone now for a successful 2020

The new year is already here, and now is the perfect time to revisit and possibly redesign your company vision, and how well your employees are connecting to it.

Invest in a leadership consulting firm like Winning EQ to facilitate a comprehensive organizational health check, followed by a vision setting session.

There is also an opportunity to gain valuable knowledge and inspiration on the power of vision setting, and other game-changing leadership topics at the LA Workplace Summit on January 23rd. Simply click HERE for tickets and info and be sure to sign up with your team now to avoid disappointment, because places are limited.

7 WINNING HABITS TO SET THE TONE FOR 2020

Posted on by

1) SOLIDIFY YOUR MORNING ROUTINE

“Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it”. – Richard Whately

How you start your morning, will set the tone for the day. Have you ever found yourself in the morning rushing out the door, unnourished, still tired, and forgetting to take important items? How did the rest of the day progress? I’m guessing much of the same, which resulted in poor performance and productivity...

Make your morning routine a non-negotiable, and include activities that energize and clear any heaviness or chaos, to allow space for you to be creative and maximize motivation.

Making your bed, and doing any other chores that leave your house in order will clear chaotic energy and start the momentum of feeling accomplished.

Doing 30 minutes of exercise will actually energize you, and ensure that you fulfill your fitness needs, whereas waiting until later in the day will increase the likelihood of not doing it.

Meditation will also alleviate any feelings of mental stress and anxiety, and having your schedule for the day set up, will provide you with purpose, and better equip you to manage distractions. I recommend starting off with 10-15mins of guided meditation using the Headspace app, and using Wunderlist to organize your tasks and projects for the day/week.

Writing in a gratitude journal also helps you start the day with a joyful, positive mood, which is infectious to others. Start with three things you are grateful for, then progress to writing ten. This is especially important for leaders in the workplace, because they are the source for the mood, attitudes and results of employees under their management. After all, it is scientifically impossible to be in negative emotional state while expressing genuine gratitude for something or someone.

The good news is that our body’s circadian rhythm allows more will power right after long bouts of sleep. So make the most of your morning by adding habits that set you up for a winning day, and removing those that don't.

2) ESTABLISH A DISTRACTION MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

“There are always distractions, if you allow them” - Tony La Russa

We live in a world of endless, abundant distractions, especially in this new age of the internet and Social Media. Accepting this and acknowledging the main distractions that sabotage your productivity, is the key to developing a strategy for success.

Our biggest problem is that we tend to confuse being ‘busy’ with being ‘productive’. Setting a realistic schedule or task list for the day will be the first step to combatting distractions, as it provides the direction and purpose that paves the way for productivity.

Next start a ‘distraction journal’ and honestly document whenever you engage in a activity that distracts you from completing the tasks you have on your schedule. Doing this for a day will give you some awareness, but doing it for a week will allow it to truly sink in.

The most common source of our distractions is the smart phone. Use the Screen Time app on iPhone and Digital Well Being app on Android to give you an idea of how much time you spend on your phone, which apps you are using the most, and when during the day. You can then set limits on your usage and notifications to let you know when it’s time limit is up. If this isn’t enough to curb your phone cravings, simply lock your phone away for a period of time, perhaps when an important task needs to be completed by a deadline. I recommend using a safe box with timer.

3) HIT THE RESET BUTTON BETWEEN TASKS

“Genius is the ability to renew one’s emotions in daily experience.” — Paul Cezanne

As we move through our day, we often encounter a variety of tasks and projects that require a different type of thought process, energy, and emotional investment.

Presence and focus can be affected if we move straight from one task into another, impacting overall productivity, especially after completing a task that required lots of brain power and emotional deposits.

Taking 5 – 15 minutes to step away and reset your focus and emotional state will do wonders for staying on your productivity path throughout the day.

Countless scientific studies suggest that meditation reduces stress and helps reorient and maintain one’s attention span.

Simple breathing techniques can also be effective to restore the mental and physiological levels necessary to tackle the next object.

Another important element to hitting the reset button between tasks, is setting your intention, which grounds or centers you for the next block of time. Thoughts and emotions can still linger from the previous task, and thinking or worrying about future tasks will steal away from attention needed in the present moment.

Factoring in a time buffer for between important tasks or meetings on your schedule will also help you develop the habit of regular resets.

Writing in a gratitude journal also helps you start the day with a joyful, positive mood, which is infectious to others. Start with three things you are grateful for, then progress to writing ten. This is especially important for leaders in the workplace, because they are the source for the mood, attitudes and results of employees under their management. After all, it is scientifically impossible to be in negative emotional state while expressing genuine gratitude for something or someone.

The good news is that our body’s circadian rhythm allows more will power right after long bouts of sleep. So make the most of your morning by adding habits that set you up for a winning day, and removing those that don't.

4) SCHEDULE MANDATORY PLAY

“Play keeps us vital and alive. It gives us an enthusiasm for life that is irreplaceable. Without it, life just doesn’t taste good” - Lucia Capocchione

I am always advocating the need for balance in life, and this is the main area where most humans become way off track. “I’m too busy ” or “I’ll enjoy myself when things calm down at work” are common excuses for neglecting our need for play.

Studies show that adult play keeps you functional when under stress, triggers creativity and innovation, increases energy which prevents burnout and enhances relationships.

If you have developed the habit of consuming yourself with work and other life commitments where you forget to enjoy yourself, then it’s time to develop a new habit of scheduling recreation.

So when setting up your diary for the week, schedule in enjoyable activities at least twice in the working week. By locking in blocks of play, it will support your habits of being present, focused and intentional during your work, while creating and maintaining balance in your life.

5) EVALUATE YOURSELF

“Without proper self-evaluation, failure is inevitable” - John Wooden

As a professional rugby player, one of the most important tools for individual and collective success (and often most dreaded), was reviewing video footage of the previous game. After team video sessions, we would then evaluate our own performance individually to determine what areas of performance needed fine-tuning, often with the support of a self-evaluation document.

Get into the habit of evaluating yourself in areas of your life that you are committed to grow. The simplest way to self evaluate, is to ask yourself regularly “what worked?” and “what didn’t work?”, for example after a pitch to a potential client, a colleague performance review meeting, a job interview or even after a first date!

Creating a self-evaluation practice of how well you are achieving the work/play balance outlined previously in winning habit #4, is also a powerful way to check in with how you are living, and set new goals around how you want to live. Check out this free example of a weekly life self evaluation.

6) SLEEP WELL

“Happiness consists of getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more.” - Robert A. Heinlein

As the renowned sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus (aka the Sleep Doctor) says, sleep is the third pillar of health along with diet and exercise.

A 2018 study examined the ways different sleep issues affected work productivity. It found that people with mild insomnia had a 58% productivity loss. People who experienced daytime sleepiness had a 50% loss in productivity. And people who snore lost between 19-34% of their productivity.

It is widely publicized that 7-8 hours is the sweet spot for recommended sleep, but there are many other factors that contribute to optimum rest, including quality of sleep.

So how do you develop optimal sleeping habits? First step is to find out your chronotype, which is the scientific term for ‘body clock’. Take this quiz to determine your chronotype and reveal what you need to do to work with your body, not against it for quality sleep.

Dr Breus’s blog is full of great tips on achieving quality sleep, and I also recommend you incorporate #5 of this winning habits list, and log your hours of sleep each night, then calculate your average over the week to ensure that you’re staying on track, and doing what is necessary to prioritize your sleep.

7) REMIND YOURSELF OFTEN THAT YOU'RE GOING TO DIE

“One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

Ok, I know what you’re probably thinking - ”that’s quite a strange and morbid thing to include in a winning habits list”, but allow me to explain...

So often in our personal and professional lives, we hold ourselves back from fulfilling our potential, and from truly giving ourselves the best chance of achieving what is possible for us.

This normally happens as a result of our own crippling limiting beliefs, and our tendency as humans to seek comfort and avoid emotional pain, instead of putting ourselves out there, taking risks, and getting comfortable in the uncomfortable in order to grow and generate extraordinary results in the process.

One way to remind us to start living fully, is to develop a healthy relationship with our mortality. In fact, the monks of Bhutan traditionally contemplate their death 5 times daily to alleviate any fear of dying, and therefore create happiness in their current state of being alive.

My favorite app, that is based on this concept, is called We Croak which simply sends me a notification 5 times randomly throughout the day, and attaches a quote relating to life and/or death from a poet, philosopher or notable thinker.

Steven Covey also touches on a similar practice in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” with the chapter “begin with an end in mind”. Covey suggests that we imagine our own funeral, and how we would like that to look in terms of who attends, what people say about you and what kind of legacy you leave behind. Then work backwards from there in figuring out how you are going to achieve this and live your best life.

Another version of this which I practice daily, is reading a Poem called ‘The Dash” by Linda Ellis. The impact of its words are profound, and highly effective in stirring up inspiration and motivation to get busy doing whatever it takes to achieve your version of personal and business success.

Tom Hanks Once Again Has BIG Shoes To Fill

Posted on by

Last night at the cinema I watched the new release A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood starring Tom Hanks, who portrays the life of the late American children’s television personality Fred Rogers.

Having grown up in Australia, I never watched the preschool television series Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, and thanks mainly to Morgan Neville’s acclaimed documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor? I have only recently been made aware of the phenomenon which ran from 1968 to 2001.

With his efforts to educate both children and adults on the benefits of emotional intelligence (EQ), and how it can make the World a better place, Rogers was certainly ahead of his time.

After retiring from professional rugby 10 years ago, I struggled emotionally with my transition into the next phase of life, which led me on a path of self-awareness and growth. During this personal development journey, I discovered a passion for EQ, how it contributes to enhanced connected relationships, and it’s role in achieving excellence in my personal and professional life.

You can imagine my delight when Mr. Rogers appeared on my radar. Until then, my research had revealed Dan Goleman as the guru of EQ, after making the term popular with his 1995 best selling book Emotional Intelligence – Why it can matter more than IQ.

Goleman uses neuroscience to back up his theories of why EQ is so important for success and harmony in all aspects of life, and has sparked a revolution, particularly in the business world, where leaders are starting to understand and recognize EQ for being just as important, if not more than IQ, especially with regards to high performance and a winning team culture.

For me, Fred Rogers was already making EQ popular through his kids television program, long before it’s current day, science backed conceptualization. This is powerfully demonstrated in one of Mister Rogers’ children’s songs called “What do you do with the mad that you feel?”, the lyrics of which he recited to US congress while fighting to save the show amidst threat of PBS funding cuts. He nervously and passionately read the following:

What do you do with the mad that you feel? When you feel so mad you could bite. When the whole wide world seems oh so wrong, and nothing you do seems very right. What do you do? Do you punch a bag? Do you pound some clay or some dough? Do you round up friends for a game of tag or see how fast you go? It’s great to be able to stop when you’ve planned the thing that’s wrong. And be able to do something else instead ― and think this song ―

“I can stop when I want to. Can stop when I wish. Can stop, stop, stop anytime... And what a good feeling to feel like this! And know that the feeling is really mine. Know that there’s something deep inside that helps us become what we can. For a girl can be someday a lady, and a boy can be someday a man.”

The rejuvenation of Mister Rogers’ legacy on modern digital media platforms, thanks to the acclaimed 2018 documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor, has highlighted the need for EQ education in school curriculums, so that children may begin their conditioning into highly functional, cooperative adults. Surely this would help reduce the incidence of anxiety, depression and suicide in teens and young adults, as well as violent episodes such as the mass school shootings we are seeing with alarming regularity?

Today, Mister Rogers’ mission of spreading the message of empathy, kindness, acceptance and understanding throughout the world is being delivered on a much bigger stage, by Hollywood heavyweight Tom Hanks, with his stunning performance in It’s a Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood. Not only does this warm and feel-good production outline the correlation between emotional intelligence and happiness, it openly demonstrates how it is also a skill that is often difficult to execute and requires constant practice.

It is virtually impossible to finish watching this film, and not want to be a better person. Which leads me to my next question – How emotionally intelligent do you think you are? Here’s a quick test you can take right now to give you some baseline awareness.

If you’d like more tips and ideas on how to improve your EQ and develop better leadership skills, subscribe to Winning EQ now and receive more articles like this and other valuable content.

Inspiring emotional intelligence will be one of 3 game changing topics explored at the LA Workplace Summit on January 23rd. Get your tickets now before they sell out because places are limited!