There’s no escaping it…being under pressure is inevitable for men, whether it’s career pressure, financial pressure, social status pressure, fatherhood pressure, or the mental and physical health pressures that come with aging. Men must deal with some amount of pressure, almost daily, regardless of the life choices we make.
According to recent surveys, around 8 in 10 men between the ages of 25-45 reported experiencing high stress levels in the past year. From midlife and into senior years, responsibilities increase, particularly professionally, and even more for high performing men.
And it’s not a question of handling the pressure or not…most men are handling it. We’re even building resilience through stressful experiences. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…right? Depends how we’re handling the pressures. Because the way most men are handling, or rather mishandling pressure, is prematurely killing them. Even worse is the kind of death experienced while still alive. Just as Benjamin Franklin once said - “Most men die at 25, we just bury them at 75”.
And what does mishandling pressure look like anyway? The first sign is failing to embrace the pressure as a normal, and even necessary part of life. Adopting the mindset of always seeing the opportunities in the obstacles is a good start, honoring the famous words of Billie Jean King - “Pressure is a privilege.”
Then we might see any number of avoidant or numbing type behaviors such as abusing alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, food…anything to avoid the discomfort of dealing with pressures head on, in a healthy, empowering way. This avoidant behavior normally happens because we lack the self-awareness, or emotional tools to embrace and handle pressure powerfully.
Failing to consistently maintain high levels of emotional, physical and mental health will also ensure that we mishandle pressure, and it is costing us dearly.
The costs for men of mishandling pressure include:
- Shorter lives, due to poor physical and mental health.
- Strained and failed romantic relationships.
- Ineffective parenting.
- Lack of purpose and meaning.
- Loneliness.
- Low libido & virility.
- Shame, low self-esteem and worthiness.
- Depression and anxiety.
When I retired from my 12 year professional rugby career, I was experiencing at least 6 of the above symptoms.
Immediately I felt no control over my life. I found myself drinking heavily, alone in my house, reluctant to step outside where there were constant reminders of the career I no longer had. I even sabotaged my romantic relationship, which ended somewhat promptly after 2 and a half years together.
At first I couldn’t understand that these were avoidant coping mechanisms. I didn’t have the self-awareness to see how my ego was attached to the identity that my former career gave me, and the ego-feeding perks that came with it. I also couldn’t recognize that my ego was creating a lot of the pressure I was feeling, and the expectations of others that I thought I needed to live up to were imagined.
To reverse my downward emotional (and physical) spiral, the first step was coming out of isolation to speak to people I trusted about my struggles. Specifically, other men, starting with a professional therapist. I also opened up to one of my teammates, which wasn’t common practice for rugby players. He listened without the judgment I normally feared, before recommending a personal development book that changed the course of my life. From there, I embarked on an extensive self growth journey that ranged from more books, to attending transformational workshops, leadership courses and retreats.
Through this process, I found my purpose and passion, and the ability to not only embrace life’s inevitable pressures, but handle them in a healthy way. Of all the modes of learning and practices that have made me the self-aware, mentally, emotionally and physically thriving man that I am today, group activities that build deeper, connected relationships with other men, have been the most powerful and liberating.
While I have benefited from the bonding and camaraderie that a life of playing team sports inevitably provides, I have since learned that most of it was cultivated at the surface level, especially as the stigma that comes with playing a male dominated, contact sport prevented us from routinely sharing our struggles with each other vulnerably.
Doing personal growth men’s work, facilitated by a qualified, experienced coach or teacher, has been a game changer for forming the essential, deeper connections with other men that I have today.
We need support from other men who understand the same pressures we encounter, and place on ourselves. It helps us feel like we’re not alone. We need other men to hold us accountable, so we can build the necessary tools and resilience to handle these pressures in ways that won’t destroy our mental, emotional and physical health.
This requires intense self-awareness, a strong sense of purpose, intentional self-care, a support system of deeply connected relationships, and strategies to manage stress effectively.
Motivated to make a change but don’t even know where to start? The answer is simple, and the best investment a man can make when taking control of his own life…a men’s retreat.
Now I totally understand if you’re resistant to the thought of voluntarily spending your hard earned money, on time spent away from family and friends, with a group of strangers in a remote location, especially one that doesn’t involve a swim up pool bar.
But remember that the cost can be exponentially more expensive if you don’t invest in yourself.
Try thinking of a men’s retreat as a one-stop shop, kickstarter to a more confident, competent, and content version of yourself. A version of yourself that inspires, and enhances the lives of others around you. The version of yourself that sleeps with ease, peacefully and fulfilled at the end of each day.
Intrigued and want to know where to find the best retreat for you? Here is a checklist of ten must-haves for the most impactful experience:
- Qualified, experienced coaches/facilitators
- Comfortable & inspiring location in nature
- Physical activities & exercise
- Personal development & reflection
- Brotherhood & bonding
- Spiritual or mindfulness practices
- Healthy, clean nutrition
- Unplugged time free of digital devices
- Fun & adventure
- Takeaways & next steps
As mentioned before, my experience of reversing a downward emotional and physical spiral into an upward spiral toward passion and purpose, has also led me to inspiring other men to do the same with their lives. Which is why I am honored and thrilled to do just that by partnering with Avvi Experiences, to deliver an experience for men that checks all of the above boxes and more.
When? May 1 - 6, 2025.
Where? Montana.
What? Group personal growth workshops, one on one coaching, fly fishing, falconry, hiking, breathwork, digital detoxing, exquisite food, exemplary accommodation and more…
Who? Men who are ready to open up to level up.
How much? Click here for your early bird discounted price before it ends on February 21.
*Vitally Important*
The number of places are limited to 10 to create the most valuable experience for each participant. At the time of posting this, there are only 3 spots left, and remeber, early bird pricing ends on February 21st!
Click the link below for details and to secure your spot!